


if i gave you my heart, would you break it?

by mayaetienne



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, F/F, First Love, Minor CarolMaria, On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, go watch it, idc who you are, inspired by druck aka skam germany, no beta we die like natasha, not so consistent updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayaetienne/pseuds/mayaetienne
Summary: “Maria Hill, a white liar. Who would have known?” She looks up and finds Natasha raising her eyebrows at her. She blinks slowly."It's more complicated to tell them the truth."Natasha turns and leans on the lockers next to her. "The truth always seems to be more complicated. So, what am I? Your little secret."She snorts. "You say it like we're both in a relationship and having an affair with each other.""Aren't we?" She rolls onto her side and faces Maria. "Your friends don't know I exist, we run off from our responsibilities and lie about where we've been and who we were with. Sounds like an affair to me."-where natasha shows up at maria's high school and maria has to pretend she's not totally infatuated with her.-sep/2020: this fic is officially on hiatus. im not so into it anymore, so i'm diverting my attention to longer and bigger blackhill fic.
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	1. bagel and juice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright things you need to know:  
> \- they're in the final year of high school  
> \- set in the present (aka 2020)  
> \- based on skam, mostly on the german remake druck (bc that shit was a bloody masterpiece i tell you)  
> \- this is a re-write of something i posted earlier, but never finished

Maria Hill has kept the same structure for four years. Wakes up a tad too late, doesn’t eat breakfast, puts in headphones so she doesn’t have to endure meaningless conversations with Jenny and Amelia next door, heads straight to the front of the school, finds her friends and sits through a conversation she’s pretending to be interested in. Emphasis on pretending to be interested in. She learnt that, by mistake, in the first week sitting with Carol and Hope she actually participated in their conversations, but it only takes so many talks about Hope’s boyfriend, and Carol’s endless pining about another girl called Maria to finally stop listening. 

They know she’s not listening, and they couldn’t care less. That’s why Maria likes them so much. She was staring at the ants on the floor until being hit in the face by a bagel in a paper bag. She turns to look at the person who threw it and finds Melinda May standing there. She's wearing the same non-expressionless face Maria's come to know, and holds a bottle of orange juice. 

"I would throw the juice at you, but I feel nice today." She walks over and hands the juice to Maria. She's about to grab it when May stops her. 

"Ah. If you take the food, which I know you will since you don't ever eat before you come here, you and your little friends show up at the prom committee meeting." 

"May, I hate prom. Why would I be part of something I hate?" 

"Suit yourself." She pulls the juice and bagel away. 

Maria's too embarrassed to admit she made a noise of desperation as the food was being pulled away. "On second thought, I'll be there." 

May smirks, unable to hide she's quite pleased with herself. "That's more like it," She hands the juice and bagel back. "I'll see you and your friends after school today then." 

She turns around to face an annoyed Maria and Hope. 

"What?" She asks as she bites into the bagel. "I just really wanted the bagel."

Hope leans into her hands and Carol groans. 

"One day you'll learn to turn down food for the sake of us and our sanity. Do you know how many times we've been roped into stupid events all for your desire for food?" Carol remarks. 

Maria doesn't respond, and continues to bite into her bagel.

* * *

"Why do our teachers even make us carry textbooks anymore? I mean there's online PDF's for a reason." Hope says, whilst taking her textbooks out of her locker and giving them to Maria to hold. "I mean, it's like they don't care about our health." 

"They're teachers. If they wanted to care about our health they would be doctors or nurses. Also, are you incapable of holding your own textbooks?" 

Maria doesn't get an answer, just Hope's jacket being thrown across the mountain of textbooks she's holding.

Carol's about to help Maria, but the textbooks fall out of her hands when a girl with red hair bumped into Maria. 

The red-headed girl immediately ducks down for view and starts gathering the textbooks, Maria hears a quick _"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I'm so clumsy"_ , and Maria's about to give a snide remark about watching where you're going, because _honestly she's been through with this shit for four years too long_ , when their eyes meet. And it's like the words have been thrown out of Maria's brain, because she hears the girl giving her sorry's, and Maria should say something but she can't. 

She's fixated on her eyes. They're so green. Maria didn't know eyes could be that green. 

The girl is nearly finished handing her the books, when Maria blinks a couple of times, as if to bring herself back to reality. 

"Um, thanks." The girl gives her the final book and smiles. 

"I'll see you around Maria." 

"Oh hey." Maria runs her hand through her hair awkwardly, "I, uh, never caught your name." 

The girl turns around and smirks. "I never dropped it " And she walks away, leaving Maria to stand there wondering _what the hell_ did she just witness

Hope and Carol walk over slowly, raising their eyebrows knowingly. 

She takes her textbooks back, and puts on her best impression of Maria. "I never caught your name." 

Carol looks over at Hope, catching on and puts on the same voice of the girl. "I didn't drop it."

Maria rolls her eyes, and throws Hope's jacket back at her. 

"I blame it on the jacket." 

She makes a shocked face and puts her hand over her heart. "Oh? Don't blame my jacket for finding you the love of your life Maria." 

"You know, everyday I wake up wondering why I'm still friends with you."

* * *

On normal days Maria wouldn't dread hearing the end of school day bell ring, but today hasn't exactly been the most normal day. Ever since the incident that occurred in the morning, she can't stop thinking about it. 

She would be lying if she said she wasn't thinking about the girl who bumped into her more than the actual dropping textbooks in a crowded hallway deal. 

Maria's so fixated on her eyes. That's the one thing she's constantly been thinking about. Her eyes. Especially the way they complement her red hair, you know. Complementary colours and all that. 

She's still half daydreaming when she gets elbowed in the ribs by May. "You are still coming to the prom meeting right?" 

"Yep."

"Good." She leans back in her chair. "I would drag you there if I had too." 

Maria tilts her head to face her. "Why is it I need to be there so badly?" 

"I have my reasons." Maria knows she's not going to get any further information out of her, so she drops it and moves on.

The end of school bell rings, and May had her hooked between her arms and dragging her down the hallways. When Maria gives her a questioning look, she gets a response of "I'm just making sure."

May tells her to stay there and heads out of the room. Maria's about to turn around and follow her when she sees her. The girl she's been thinking about all day. 

"Maria. Nice to see you again." She says whilst kicking her legs up onto the table. 

Maria's a rational person. Or so she thought before she spoke the next sentence. 

"How badly do you actually want to be here?" 

"Not much. Why?" 

"Want to get away from here?" 

A sly smile creeps up the girl's face and she kicks her legs out from the table. 

"Absolutely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok look i need to write these long explanations after every chapter to make myself feel better and to rationalise with myself so here we go: 
> 
> yes it doesn't make sense that all these characters would be at maria's school at the same time considering their ages, and yes it is somehow set in 2020 because that just makes my life easier, but just don't think about it too hard. even better just don't think about it and pretend that it's not happening.
> 
> did i also give the bagel a whole plot point because i felt sad that i've never eaten a bagel? yes. 
> 
> also ao3 is removing non logged in user kudos and views (at least from what i gather) and when writers say it makes our day IT MAKES OUR DAY. so maybe consider signing up, ok see you (hopefully) next week this note is too long. 
> 
> twitter: valkyriewidows


	2. alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I like your way of thinking. Do you have gum?”
> 
> She kicks up her bag from where it had been resting, and searches it. “No. No gum.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a spoiler for the last episode of season 2 of killing eve, stop reading from "Natasha stares hard at the TV before responding." and read on after ""No. I don't think you will too."

Maria’s being reckless. Of course, it’s nothing new but she’s usually doing it with Hope or Carol. They’ve been half walking, half jogging away from school, in the hopes that May won’t be able to catch her if she decides to chase after her. 

“I’ve never done this before.” Maria says breathlessly.

“What?”

“Skip school." She stops in her tracks and turns around with a look of disbelief on her face and points at her.

“This coming from a girl who looks like she’s on the verge of falling asleep in every class?" 

Maria rolls her eyes and playfully shoves her. "Shut up." 

They continue walking until Maria stops and sticks her hand to stop the other girl.

"Where are we even going?" Maria pauses. "And I don't even know your name." 

"Natasha.” She looks like she’s already said too much.

She holds her hand out and Maria shakes it. "Natasha Rushman. And we're heading to my place." 

They start off again, but Natasha stops again and turns around and faces Maria. "I hope you like cats."

* * *

  
  


"He’s adorable." Maria says whilst stroking Liho under the neck. Natasha's standing in the doorway, arms crossed and looking disappointed at Liho. 

"I swear he hates me. Every time I try to pet him, he hisses at me and walks away." She explains whilst opening a bag of chips. 

She holds up another packet. "Chips?" 

"Sure." She catches a packet of salt and vinegar chips. 

She eats a chip and intermediately makes a sour face."How do you like these?"

"They're the only food that reminds me that I have feelings." She explains nonchalantly.

Maria starts opening her mouth to respond, but decides against it. "Netflix?" 

"Sure. Just don't pick anything that has a happy ending." 

"Why?"

"I don't think anyone deserves happy endings. All of us pretend we’re a saint and deserve heaven, deserve happy endings, and that we’re perfect but we’ve all got shit that makes us go to hell.”

" _Geez_ . You’ve really thought about this.” The brief silence is filled with an episode of _Killing Eve_ playing. Maria looks over to her. “You don't think you'll get a happy ending in life?" 

Natasha stares hard at the TV before responding. The scene playing is the last of Season 2. Maria can hear the gunshot and _Sigh_ playing after. "No. I don't think you will too."

Alright, Maria got stuck with a person who seems to see the world as a dark and depressing place. Not the worst, she can work with this. It’s better than being stuck with someone whose personality is all rainbow and sunshine, and pretends that life is perfect. Maria can respect Natasha for that. She’s a realist.

“Gum.”

Natasha turns to face Maria with a confused expression. “Gum?”

“Gum and water. Another way to still remind yourself you still have feelings.” Maria explains.

She turns her head to look at Natasha, and she sits there with an amused, but pleased reaction on her face. 

“I like your way of thinking. Do you have gum?”

She kicks up her bag from where it had been resting, and searches it. “No. No gum.”

Natasha pushes herself off the couch, heading towards her kitchen. She’s looking in the drawers when her phone rings. Maria picks it up and brings it to her.

“It’s from someone called James.” Maria says as she hands it towards her.

Natasha's eyes go wide and she drops the gum from her hand. “Fuck.” She starts walking towards the living room and grabs her jacket and bag. “Fuck.” She’s pacing around the living room whilst threading her hair through her hands in stress whilst trying to find something. She picks up a usb, takes the phone off Maria and starts walking towards the door, back facing the door. 

“Um, I’m so sorry. I forgot I had something. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, just lock the door before you leave.” Natasha’s already out of the door before Maria has a chance to say goodbye.

She walks and picks the gum off the floor and takes a piece. She chews it, making sure the coolness hits her mouth before she heads to the sink and takes a cup of water and swallows it. The coldness hurts her throat after drinking the water. She stands at the sink, holding the water up to her eyes, examining it. She pours the water out, leaves it in the sink, grabs her bag and jacket and leaves. 

Liho’s at the door meowing at her, in an attempt to try and stop her from leaving. Maria bends down and scratches him under the neck and sighs. “I didn’t even get her number.” He gives a sad meow in response and Maria closes the door. 

She pulls out her headphones, and shuffles her playlist. _Alive_ by iiola plays, and she heads home preparing herself to deal with the aftermath of Natasha. 

As she’s leaving, she spots Natasha hugging, laughing and walking hand in hand with a guy, which she assumes is James. Her chest tightens whilst watching it. She’s about to look away, when he stares back at her. She watches as his eyes furrows, tilting his head as if to study this girl who’s staring from a bus stop at his girlfriend. She’s glad that Natasha pulls him away from her general eye-line, as she’s not sure if she would have looked away. Her bus arrives and she looks out the window at them. The bus is driving away, as she looks at James nodding his head towards the seat she was on, only to be confused that she’s gone.

When she’s home, she finally opens her messages that she's been ignoring from May.

> _may:_
> 
> _I can’t believe you. Where the fuck did you go Maria._
> 
> _I ask you to do one thing, and you can’t even do it. I get that things have been difficult with your dad, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a dick and ditch me. Maria, I really needed you to be here. Even fucking Hope and Carol showed up._

Maria’s fucked. She’s fucking fucked. She types out an excuse in which she hopes will be a believable one, and throws her phone on the bed and unplugs her headphones, letting her music fill the room.

> _maria:_
> 
> _I’m sorry, something came up with my aunt. she’s not been well since my dad last visited._

> _may:_
> 
> _Oh. I’m sorry. I’ll be seeing you at the next meeting then, Carol and Hope will catch you up._

She lets out a grateful sigh and turns her music up, sending a prayer for music, for being able to block out the thousands of thoughts and scenarios rolling around in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i did just make a gone to the dogs reference. praise [avesnongrata](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avesnongrata/pseuds/avesnongrata) and [Woodface](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woodface/pseuds/Woodface). you can read it [**here.**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2626382/chapters/5858894)
> 
> i was going to put nat's alias as natalie, but i physically could not write 10 chapters calling her natalie.
> 
> song mentioned is [alive](https://open.spotify.com/album/5bjQaAUBEJdAfGfGBRRFXH?highlight=spotify:track:3ZAiwXtsEXDn0Ye8WAPHxz) by [iiola](https://open.spotify.com/artist/3YSLjtLPCULe41kgElVrWj) from her ep chrysalis. i absolutely love her songs, and highly suggest you listen to her songs.
> 
> stay safe, stay inside, wash your hands and i'll see y'all next week.
> 
> -
> 
> [valkyriewidows](https://twitter.com/VALKYRIEWIDOWS) on twitter


	3. white liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i'll see y'all next week
> 
> me: shows up 2 months later..... hey....how y'all doin'?

How many lies does it take to break a person down? How do the politicians, leaders of the world carry on, making promises they can't keep, lying and lying in order to get what they desire.

She's not sure what she wants. Everyone around her seems to be so sure of what they want, what career, what university, they all seem to be sure in what they want in life. 

As long she's got a roof over her head, food, water, electricity and the internet, that's what Maria wants in life.

Hope tells her that it's a little basic, that her wants are more of needs. But needing something rather than wanting is more dangerous for Maria. She doesn't want to rely on needing something, craving for it, to the point where she might as well die than live without it.

Maria doesn't want that. She thought she needed love. No one ever needs love.

Love is just something we take off other people to help ourselves. People use it as a driving force, because without it we're all alone.

Her dad certainly didn't need her love, so she stopped giving. And she hasn't given it since. And she's not planning to.

* * *

Maria jumps when Carol slams her locker door and leans her hand against it, creating a wall between her and Maria.

She can see the genuine anger in her eyes, mad that Maria ditched her and Hope. “Give me ten reasons why I shouldn’t kill you right now.” She turns to the ground, seeking the vinyl floor for an escape route.

“My Aunt. She had a situation yesterday. She hasn't been well for a couple weeks.” She looks up from the floor and turns and faces them. 

Carol's face falls flat. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Maria offers a weak smile. It comes off as being sad, but it's out of pity. She wonders how long she'll be spinning a web of lies before something collapses. "It's fine."

Hope gingerly removes Carol's hand from her locker and pulls it away. "We'll see you in class." 

Maria leans her forehead on her locker and closes her eyes, doing her best to block out the world.

“Maria Hill, a white liar. Who would have known?” She looks up and finds Natasha raising her eyebrows at her. She blinks slowly.

"It's more complicated to tell them the truth."

Natasha turns and leans on the lockers next to her. "The truth always seems to be more complicated. So, what am I? Your little secret."

She snorts. "You say it like we're both in a relationship and having an affair with each other."

"Aren't we?" She rolls onto her side and faces Maria. "Your friends don't know I exist, we run off from our responsibilities and lie about where we've been and who we were with. Sounds like an affair to me." 

Maria doesn't know what to respond, so she just looks back at her.

She continues to grab the rest of her things from her locker, whilst Natasha watches. 

“You’re new here aren’t you?”

Natasha takes a deep sigh in. “Hmm.”

“Why though? I mean, it’s close to finals. Why move now?”

She laughs.“ _Fun story_. I killed someone and had to go undercover.”

Maria nods in agreement. “Trouble with friends and family?”

She closes Maria locker slowly and starts walking away. “That’s why I killed them.”

She laughs and heads to class. 

* * *

**unknown number: forgot to ask, my friends are hosting a party tonight. want to come?**

**maria: who the fuck are you**

**unknown number: don't pretend you don't know liar**

**maria: natasha.**

**maria: how'd you get my number**

**natasha: i have my sources**

* * *

**hope: why did a girl come and ask for your number??**

* * *

She should have skipped the party. Could have picked up one of her excuses in her never ending bucket and stayed home and watched whatever was trending on Netflix. Probably Riverdale or whatever other teen drama was popular. 

She eyed the apartment up and down, and pulled out her phone to double check the place. Whoever her friend is, they live in a nice part of town. 

**natasha: hey you here yet?**

**maria: just got here.**

**natasha: cool i'll ring you up.**

Natasha smiles at Maria through the glass door when she spots her whilst walking down the stairs. 

"Thought you'd pull out a lie and use it not to come." 

"Almost did." She bluntly replies. 

"Parties not your thing?" 

"No."

"Hm. So why'd you come?"

Maria pulls a face. "Because you invited me."

She raises her eyebrows but doesn't press further. "Come on up, I'll introduce you to everyone." 

For anyone walking past the apartment, it wouldn't sound like anything out of the ordinary. But once you walked in, noise was the first thing to overwhelm your senses. 

"Hey, I'll introduce you to James." Natasha yells at her, whilst holding her hand and dragging her through the hundreds of people filling the space. 

She doesn't want to be introduced to James. But it's too late now, Natasha's already pulled her over to where he's leaning against the wall and eyes her down.

He raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms. He clearly isn't looking for her company. She wonders how he and Natasha get on. 

"Maria. Maria Hill." 

"James." He takes a look around for Natasha before realising she's already some place else. "How'd you meet Natasha?" 

Maria pulled a face. "It's a long story." 

He looks over and studies her face a little, the same way Natasha does. "You're the mystery girl on the bus." 

She purses her lips and raises her eyebrows in response. "Your girlfriend is one to trust people easily." 

He laughs whilst taking a sip of his beer. "Not my girlfriend. She doesn't trust easily though." He looks over at her. "You're different then. Took me months to try and get her to trust me."

She snorts. "I must be different then."

"That you are Hill. That you are." He pushes off the war and walks away.

She's trying to think of an excuse to Natasha, to why she suddenly has to leave. She doesn't have to though, because she slides up against the war and offers her a proposition.

"How badly do you want to be here Maria?"

She shifts her whole body weight to her shoulder and looks her in the eye. "Not at all." 

Natasha smiles slowly and grabs her arm.

_"Let's fucking get out of here."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look this chapter was an absolute bitch to write, i was so close to rendering this fic incomplete again but it kept a grasp on me screaming at me JUST FINISH IT COWARD. so i did. 
> 
> my written style is very weird. i've already written the epilogue and most of the last chapter, but i haven't done chapter 4. so you can see why it takes ages to write one chapter.
> 
> that affair line? one of my favourite lines i've ever fucking written.
> 
> also i don't even know if anyone reads this anymore but i was tired of the tl going "blackhill highschool au when" so i decided fuck it. i'll just do it myself. 
> 
> twitter: mayaetlenne


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